Hey it's me again fortanely I have not learned how to *spell better meaning if my musings are unreadable and impossible to articulate, then it was to be expected, right. On with the show. I love having this little app to type because there is always moments where I just the need to document what I'm thinking. Must be my generation. Bunch of over sharing, Apple worshiping, unemployed protesters this generation. I wouldn’t ask to be in different era. Ever.

I'll be totally honest with you, whoever you are. I'm bored and I really just want to ride my bike and get out of the house. I want someone to call me and in way I don't. No one calls on Saturdays since Toyo stopped and I’ve lost the will and the ability to communicate to almost everyone over phone. Some would say it’s quite pathetic, I wouldn’t say anything because I'd have no response.

Tell me, tell me, tell me something I don’t know. Something I don’t. How many inches in a mile, how long to make you smile, get you not to treat me like a child baby. That was a musical interlude (the lyrics are a bit iffy, so beware). So in other news. I feel we should start a occupy St. Augustine and bring back the wild. Those were 3 completely unrelated things yet they fit so perfectly in a nonsensical sentence. You must greatly enjoy and show deep admiration for those words.

I think if I could go on talking to, and about myself, to myself all day I would. It would be egotistical and maybe at the same time self-esteem crushing. Instead of the phrase "Party Hard" (made known to me by the site tumblr), I say "Party with such force it is capable of breaking large objects." I find it funny but I don’t think anyone I know personally will. So, that’s a joke between me and myself, talk about an inside jokes.

In the words of Mika "Un jour tu comprendas, un jour tu t'en voudras." Au revouir (still hoping that’s spelt right).

*Note: Spell Checked before posted, but writing still isn't consistently all correct*

It's Turtles All The Way Down

Well hello I feel the need to write about me everywhere I can. It might be because of the oversharer generation I was born into or that I expect everyone to be subject to my feeling. Maybe it's because in heart I know that no one really wants to know about Nichelle Tully-Bailey. She lived, she died, and everything she did in between became as she did, irrelevent. I'm not looking to be remembered (if even a little). I've always seen myself as either superior or irrelevant, inadequate, and small.

Hello I'm Nichelle and even as I write this, I want to be forgotten, to be swallowed below everyone else's lives. I've heard that being able to lie convincingly at a young age means you'll become a more successful adult. I don't think it's the lying that gives you a someway psychological advantage at "getting successful" whatever you would like to define it. My successful, well I don't have a definition. Unlike adults I'm totally honest in myself gratifying actions. A family is not ideal. Continuing the line of sad liquid coursing through me to another being seems cruel. So yes alone is probably what I'll become because everyone wants a family, someone who looks up to you and needs to rely on you, someone to put you as their own #1. How self-gratifying is it to want someone for yourself.

Hello my name is Nichelle. I still think high school is the hardest years of your life. No one wants to peak at high school, but I think a peaked at elementary school. Back when I felt smart and the weight of the world somehow started to make it soul crushing descent upon my metaphorical shoulders. I've always found philosophy quite interesting. Just thinking, you don't have to articulate your philosophy. Speaking prevents thought; thought brings on the need to speak. I don't like articulating my thoughts. I don't answer questions in class or put too much outward participation. No, my confidence in all I do is low. Never quite sure so even if I am right, I'm still wrong. I don't like to articulate my thoughts or talk about myself. I do speak of myself but there very superficial or lies that are elaborate enough to believe.

I know people say that the only constant is change. But it's only change if you cling too much to one concept. The change is inconsistency. If that only made sense.

3 Wheeled Scooter

A 3 Wheeled Scooter sounds amazing, all ergonomic and sleek, but then it's harder to turn and wouldn't really be a scooter, more like a tricyle without a seat and handle bars.
So who want's a tricycle?
Been feeling a like the third wheel in the scooter or the fifth wheel in their car - the ninteenth wheel in their and so on

They once was a girl named Maria, she never felt alone when she was with others so she acted like a B*tch, her friends put up with her, "She's nice if you get to know her, really."
So day in and day out she acted superior, but it dawned on her that her friends had enough of it too.
"See what I mean - nothing nothing." 
She changed acting weird  her friends said to hyper to young, she tryed and tried, nothing,
MARIA
MARIA
MARIA
left, maybe I can take her place

3pm Rant

Let me start off by saying Fuck You, who ever is reading this you have came into my life, boosted my self esteem to then crush it cause you don't like what you see.
I'm used to being the bystander friend, accountable but not really included (you know that's a perfect definition) but why the hell do that, they say not to lead on people but if you pick up friends just to have a lap dogs, then (a selective few of you in the world) fuck you.
Freedom of speech doesn't anyone have that, the freedom to speak what they want - well if you put it that way yeah, is there consqueneces yeah
But what's worse having people tell you that your not as close as you think or watch it unfold before you like a pop up picture book,
"And then Karen watches as her friends start lossening her from the group"
(pull tab to make her freinds walk away)
Telling you how I feel is my "id" of the week, But my ego is gone and my super ego has a low self esteem